Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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