her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize