i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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