No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
