So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
