I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
