Do you still have your period?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
