the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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