My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
