she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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