Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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