Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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