69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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