I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
