We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
