it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
