you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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