It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
