you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
