I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize