got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
