I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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