I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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