Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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