hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
