I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
