6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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