I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
