So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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