you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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