Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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