My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize