Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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