So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
