Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
