you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
