college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize