I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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