I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
