I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
