I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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