I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
