He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
