Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
