my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just gargled with NyQuil
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
