if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
