I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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