you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Randomize
