Your tits are I can't wait for
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
