ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize