She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
