I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize