Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize