Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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