You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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