Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
