this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
