I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
