Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
