idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
