Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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