We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
