After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize