i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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