weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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