I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
