it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love how my cats smell like pot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
