You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
