shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
