No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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