Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize